Archive for life
March 14, 2009
· Filed under life, sucktitude · Tagged add, doctors, what to do
Recently, I’ve had the gnawing suspicion that I am suffering from ADD. I am absent-minded, I lose things regularly, I am incapable of spending more than a short amount of time on any one thing at once. When I play videogames, I don’t spend more than an hour at a time before literally having to come off. I read books in a matter of pages, not chapters. When I write, I rarely write more than 500 words in one sitting. I failed at NaNo because I just couldn’t sit and write for 2 hours a day.
I can’t help but wonder whether I should go to the doctor about this. It is interfering with my life, surely, but not in any way which is important. And my doctor… well let’s just say that when I went to him with insomnia his suggestion was to drink hot milk before going to bed. I had to fight to get any help at all.
I don’t want to have to do the same here.
I mean, there might not even be anything wrong with me.
I don’t know what to do.
January 15, 2009
· Filed under life · Tagged collections, figurines, habits, ocd
I have an annoying little habit of collecting figurines. Not the 7″ monstrosities that take up loads of room, no, I mean this:
So many figures
That is the top of my computer. It is filled with Crazybones, cat figurines, Pokemon figures, and a Thing from Burger King.
I don’t know where this habit came from. But I know that if I don’t curb it, it will end up as more than the top of my PC. It will take over my desk, then all my shelves, then my entire house. But I do love them so…
What do you collect?
January 12, 2009
· Filed under life, work · Tagged anniversary, birthdays, crappy pcs, i can has job, life, pcs, unemployment, work
Few bits of news:
First, I’m back in the job market. Turns out that they didn’t have permanent contracts in January, so they didn’t take anyone on. Slightly pissed about that, because if I’d have known this, I would have started looking for another job a month ago.
Second, my new(ish) PC arrived and I am in love. I’ve missed having a proper PC more than I realised; and having one of my own just takes the cake. All I need to do is get some more RAM and a new graphics card and I’m all set.
Third, I turned 20 at the end of December. How freaky is that, me being out of my teens? It’s just all a bit odd.
Finally, me and the boyfriend just celebrated our third anniversary. Weird, huh? Isn’t anniversary such a scary word? Bleck.
Hope to be posting more from now on, d00ds.
December 29, 2008
· Filed under life, sucktitude, work · Tagged christmas, computers, crappy companies, pcs, xmas
I bought a PC and it won’t even be sent until the 5th because they closed for Christmas. I paid on the 20th. What stupid company closes from the 20th December to 5th January?
I had to work 8-6 over Christmas, why can’t they package and post a PC several days before?
I don’t like Christmas that much anyway.
December 20, 2008
· Filed under life · Tagged Gaming, impulsiveness, payday
Today I got paid, yay! It was about £350, so, obviously, my xmas shopping all but done last month, I went shopping for me.
From work, I bought Digimon World (the original), Pokémon Fire Red, Persona 3 FES, ToCA 3 Touring Cars, Shadow Hearts: Covenant, and, um… a gift for my boyfriend (he sometimes reads this blog so I can’t really say).
Then I bought Dogz and Catz 4 & 5 and 500 index cards and cases from Amazon.
Then I bought a Tamagotchi and a computer (!) from eBay.
And to finish it off, I bought a seedbox, too.
This means I should have about £120 left, discounting the £50 my boyfriend stole borrowed from me.
There’s a twinge of guilt from the impulsiveness of it all.
But not that much.
December 4, 2008
· Filed under life, sucktitude, work · Tagged anti-luck, promotion, something out to get me, sucktitude, work
So, not only did I not get the job, but I got one point below the ones which got the job.
Sometimes I think that there’s something out to get me.
What the hell am I going to do now?
December 1, 2008
· Filed under life, work · Tagged christmas, contract, interview, job, nerves, oh noes, panic, permanent, temp, work, xmas
My current job is a temporary christmas job in one of the highest-grossing stores in it’s market in the entire country. When they took on a load of us temps, two of the permanent employees left to go to greener pastures (and pursue musical careers). This means, obviously, that when the temporary contracts end, there will be two permanent positions available as there won’t be anyone to take up the slack.
The interviews for said positions are on Tuesday. I have mine just before my work day begins.
Needless to say, I’m absolutely fucking terrified. Moving out of my parent’s house at the beginning of next year depends on me securing this position, and if I fluff it, that means it’s back to looking for a job at the end of January. It took me 7 months to get this one, and if I have to remain here even 7 months longer I might just go mad.
Panicking won’t do me any good, I know. I’m good at my job, I make customers feel special (even if they’re not buying any-fucking-thing), I get on well with all of the staff. I’ve a good chance of getting it.
It’s just as well mine is the first one, though. If I had to go through the day knowing who I was up against I might just forget about it.
Cross your fingers for me, won’t you?
November 18, 2008
· Filed under depression, life, sucktitude · Tagged bad day, control, depression, loneliness, moving out, or there lackof, sucktitude, unemployment
And not the kind where a lot of bad things happen.
Have you ever had a day where all you want to do is alternate between curling up in a ball under your duvet and sobbing all day and rage and throw things?
A day where everything just seems too much for your frail shoulders?
Yeah, I had one of those days yesterday.
They come completely out of nowhere. One day I’m normal and stable, even. Then the next I have an overwhelming sense of dread and fear and I can’t cope with anything no matter how small. Then the next I’m normal again. It’s odd.
Yesterday, I felt overwhelmingly lonely and cried for a while when my boyfriend went to work (he works nights and went home after work last night).
The one thing I’ve noticed is that always, always, on a day like that is my hatred of living with my family always comes to the forefront. Every time, I vow I can’t live with them for much longer. He always points out that if I can do it until now I can do it for longer.
He says that I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. But how does he know? He’s not in my head. He doesn’t feel the same things I do. I’m just a weak little girl who’s trying miserably to keep going despite the chains. Or at least it feels like chains. Maybe it’s a black hole reaching it’s tendrils for me.
I am in control of nothing in my life and it’s driving me to the edge. The constant noise of my house, the lack of food, the contant running out of basic things like washing powder, shampoo and toilet roll – they’re all taking their toll. I want to be able to take control of my life but how can I? The only job that I was offered in 7 months (and was also the only one that wanted to interview me) is a temporary christmas position.
I wanted to take control at 18. I’m 20 in a month.
Why do I keep being denied the one thing I want? It’s one simple thing. I don’t care what I have to give up, really. When am I going to get the opportunity?
No wonder I’m fucking depressed. How destructive is it to want something you can’t have again?
November 3, 2008
· Filed under NaNoWriMo, life, work, writing · Tagged finding the time, NaNoWriMo, work, writing
My question is, how do you juggle NaNo with your job? I had work yesterday, and even though it was a slightly shorter day than usual, being Sunday, I still found it difficult to get the energy to write.
Granted, part of this might have been that I was already a day behind, and I had just a few hours before going to bed, as I have a weird sleeping pattern at the moment. But the question remains.
How do you manage to get your allotted words a day and not compromise your work?
I do have a job that requires me to interact with customers for the entire day, so taking a notebook and writing during a bit of downtime is out. I just couldn’t get away with it, being on the shop floor all day.
Halp?
November 1, 2008
· Filed under NaNoWriMo, life, sucktitude, writing · Tagged crappy computers, failure, frustration, NaNoWriMo, sucktitude
I haven’t got any writing done today, and I’m not even sure it’s my fault. Ever since I got up this morning the great DnD player in the sky has been rolling critical failure after critical failure.
I woke up around 6am, which is the norm for me, aiming to write until everywhere opens at half 8. Which would have been easy. Had things not gone wrong from the very beginning.
My mother woke up at the same time and threatened me about going in the front room because she was going to sleep in the back room. My computer is in the front room. I got angry and went back to my room and ended up falling asleep again, waking at half 8. When I was supposed to finish writing.
And then I went to download Open Office. The installer took an hour and a half to download. It then turned out to be corrupted.
I then went looking for a lightweight word processor, which I found and downloaded the installer for. Which also turned out to be corrupt.
Opening Notepad turned out to be fruitless as well. The laptop crashed as soon as my fingers touched the keys.
Sometimes I genuinely think that there’s something out there that wants to make my life as frustrating as possible.
